My so-called-LIFE

"It is good to have an end to journey towards, but it is the journey that matters, in the end."

Ernest Hemingway

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As we continue to set sail our own life's journey, we question ourselves... where do we go from here?

A lot has happened, so much emotions have been at stake, of course guarded with moments of good and happy spell in between. But what truly is the meaning of Life? Why do we undertake and come up with choices that risk to hurt once self interest? Are we human beings normally do not trust once instinct or are we simply disturbed from the beginning that we end up pursuing a path --- a path that we think and feel constituted to what we call 'ultimate happiness' yet we are well aware of the aftermath which is unhappiness itself, *baffled and confused*.

{I know... too many questions, yet very few answers in between.}

But now i realized and figured out what Life is really about... I think this is about how we bear the complexities of emotions, how we battle the aptitude of wisdom, how far we discern our ability to tolerate the predicament in front of us, how we learn and accept the choices we have made from the start, and most importantly how we value the thought and memories of our own journey --- delighting or distressing it maybe.

As i continue to venture my own so called LIFE (as i turn another year older, *wink*), i just wish and pray i will remain a good person (inside and out). To continue to be humble and be strong with whatever life may throw at me. To try to love myself more and BE me... nothing more, nothing less.

So to all who have been a part of my so-called LIFE...Thank you for the memories, thank you for the time spent, thank you for the beautiful moments shared... these i am sure are well cherished and valued hereafter.

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Please allow me to give myself a big birthday HUG...

Happy Birthday to Me, *big grin*!!!

Welcome 2013

“Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book... Write a good one.”

Brad Paisley

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As we say goodbye to 2012, we are grateful for all the memories --- quite distasteful experience or an exceptional undertaking it maybe, what matters as we certainly look back, we learn to treasure, and grasp from such happening. Things takes place for a reason, but we bravely acknowledge and recognize such circumstance.

So, as we continue our journey to year 2013, we boldly look forward with enthusiasm, confidently keep up with what's ahead. Changes may arise or may not, but as long as we persevere, grounded at all times, and believe in our own capabilities, i am 100% sure we will beat all the odds whatever this new year awaits.

I hope everyone had a wonderful and blessed New Year!!!

P.S. Allow me to 'Thank You' all for staying and continuing to support and appreciate the little things that i do (i might be inconsistent posting here especially the last quarter of the year, my apology - it kind of went out of my hand that my schedule got so tight and that i have to bring in what we call prioritizing)... Though you all will always remain an inspiration!

Big Love,

Cindy

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Above photo was taken from this New Year's Eve dinner, one of the few desserts that yours truly enjoyed preparing...

'Mangomisu'

The Prayer

God grant me the serenity 

To accept the things I cannot change; 

Courage to change the things I can; 

And wisdom to know the difference. 

Living one day at a time; 

Enjoying one moment at a time; 

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 

Taking, as He did, this sinful world 

As it is, not as I would have it; 

Trusting that He will make all things right 

If I surrender to His Will; 

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life 

And supremely happy with Him 

Forever and ever in the next.

Amen.

I am standing tall and hanging strong because i know i have Him to trust, believe in His plans...
and to therefore allow Life to simply go along with it's natural course.

To God be the glory!

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Photo above taken at Church of Sr Sto Nino de Cebu ---- Cebu City Philippines.

Timeless

As the crack of dawn arises, as the light starts to peek through the window pane,
as the breeze of early morning air brushes my freshly awaken face...

here I am still awaits for your homecoming.

Where art thou my love? What took you so long? Have you lost your way?
Or have you simply forgotten the  promise of love we once have?

I feel like time isn't on our side, hair is starting to turn pale and gray ...

yet here i am hopefully anticipating for your return.

When can i see you again? Will i still see you in this lifetime?

Is this sojourn sincerely means the end of eternity?

{Yours Truly}

*** Not really a writer, entirely at random, maybe surge of some kind of sentiment in my previous lifetime...

or simply my unconscious central hemisphere of the brain which i believe controls an individual's state of emotion

is candidly inspired upon seeing the photo above, *wink*.

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Photo above taken at Bluewater Panglao Beach Resort in Bohol Philippines.

Indulgence

Life at times truly puts you in the realm of strain that test your ability to fight or flight against the tide of tribulations...

Note to SELF

You got to hold on, continue to carry on, and never allow any obstacles to topple you over.

Oh yes, thank you for comfort food, *big smile*.

My first bundt cake: Strawberry Bundt Cake

I originally plan to whipped some sweet creamy cheesy frosting on top, but i figure out that the cake itself is pretty dense and moist,

so i imagine that should be enough 'INDULGENCE' already.

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Photos above are actually late postings... too much gobble-guzzle in my end the past couple of weeks.

Forgiveness

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop.
Walk away. It's not like your giving up and shouldn't try.
It's just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation.
What is truly yours would be eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

There is something about this photo that keeps me coming back and telling me to take a look, to see it in a different perspective or angle...

May not be a stunning picture but the photo seems like telling you a story...

So here it is,  i am imparting it's own story through India Aire's song...

"The Heart of the Matter"


[originally performed by Don Henley]

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear

But I knew that it would come

An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone

She said you found someone

And I thought of all the bad luck,

And all the struggles we went through

How I lost me and you lost you

What are these voices outside love's open door

Make us throw off our contentment

And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now

But I miss you sometimes

The more I know, the less I understand

All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter

But my will gets weak

And my thoughts seem to scatter

But I think it's about forgiveness

Forgiveness

Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain

There's a yearning undefined

And people filled with rage

We all need a little tenderness

How can love survive in such a graceless age

And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness

They're the very things we kill, I guess

Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms

And the work they put between us,

You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now

But I miss you, baby

The more I know, the less I understand

And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter

But my will gets weak

And my heart is so shattered

But I think it's about forgiveness

Forgiveness

Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

All the people in your life who've come and gone

They let you down, you know they hurt your pride

Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on

You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily everafter

And my heart is so shattered

But I know it's about forgiveness

Forgiveness

Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter

Because the flesh will get weak

And the ashes will scatter

So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness

Forgiveness

Even if you don't love me anymore

Even if you don't love me anymore


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{this is a very moving song... it touched me in a way somehow...}

Hold On

There are a lot of reason to believe in, hope floats or so i trust that fate has brought us together.
This is all I have, this is all i got to continue holding fast ... to persevere and endure 'till the end...
and that what we have is worthy of this battle despite the odd circumstance.

I am hanging in there, hope you won't let me fall or if i slip and unable to carry on, hope you will still be there to catch me...

My True Angel

A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"

"Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."

God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."

Again the child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"

God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."

"Who will protect me?"

God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking it's life."

"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."

"You will simply call her, Mom.'" - Unknown

Dear Mommy Y,

Thank you for being my angel all this time...

For the guidance, for the care, for the utmost love and support you've given me up until now.
Everything you do is greatly appreciated. 

Happy Mother's Day!

Love you so much,

C

[and the rest of my family - D, ate L, and 'Lil M]

And to all the mothers out there... Wishing you a Happy Mother's Day... Hope you will enjoy and pamper yourself for a job well done...

{Special mention to Nanay - mother in law, Sis J, extended family who are mommies already or soon to be mommies or simply portraying the role of one - aunties/cousins, and my friends who manage to keep up with so much love the one biggest responsibility called ---> motherhood.}

Who am I?

"Don't you dare, for one more second, surround yourself with people who are not aware of the greatness that you are."

Jo Blackwell-Preston

I am who I am...

Knowing me and loving me for who I am is all I am asking for. Imperfections I may have indeed is part of my own well being...

I am still worthy to be treated with respect as a person, as an individual, and as a human being.

Silence is a Virtue

"I kept my silence not because I ignored you, but because I wanted to see if my silence will make you feel my absence."

Women in general is very in tune with their emotions... and i guess everyone is well aware of it. I learn something out of it though, to not confront anyone when you are at the peak of this emotional turmoil because in the end we ourselves will end up sorry and feel debilitated for babbling out without wavering... i went through such lesson and learn the hard way long time ago, and at the moment trying hard not to perpetrate the same blunder again.

It is very hard, though sometimes i think all we need is to back off to see the whole picture... give it time and space to reconsider and hoping for a level headed decision in the end... and not because we are upset of the situation.

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Aperture Value: f/2.8

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The Afterglow

"While others choose negativity, I chose HAPPINESS..."

As we continue life's natural journey, we can't help but be glad and enjoy it's simple pleasure. All we can do is be grateful and share that light of our own beaming heart and glowing soul... Who knows, through our radiating charm, we end up bringing more blissful blessings and extending inspiration to different human race.

'this is unplanned, it just presents itself gently without any stipulation... thank you for calming and pacifying these random daily mischief... feel free to surprise and amaze these bashful soul... and lastly maintain that lingering mystery while keeping it in low profile, *grin*...'

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Aperture Value: f/1.4

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ISO: 400

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Live Life

"Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret.
Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is." 

Mary Anne Radmacher, inspirational writer and artist

Life has been busy as always but despite it's engaging activities my so called 'SELF' still tries to enjoy life's little surprises, trekking a little bit on the curb, enjoying little joys and sparks of the moment. Giving in to the occasional fleeting glow of the heart, and continue to appreciate | learn that the world is a wonderful place to live in ... and with that being said I am very grateful ♥

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Location: Big Bear Lake

Aperture Value: f/13

Shutter Speed: 1/640sec

ISO speed: 400

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A Birthday Prayer

*** I know this is NO People Portraiture blog... but since this is my special day, I am an exception, *wink*...

Twilight

There is a beauty behind any afterglow, symmetry in every night fall,

and the darkness that awaits and hopes for a restful evening.

Sincerely, Yours Truly

If i will take darkness literally, i have to say we are extremely opposite --- i am totally not a night person (but guess what shift i work at the moment, NOC shift). Secondly, there is always that kid fear in me when it comes to sleeping, personally prefer rather need to have a night lamp turn on at night to be able to have a goodnight sleep.

But when it comes to the art of photography, i have to say 'Night Photography' is one part that i have been sensual and attracted from the beginning when i was still learning. Being a portrait photographer, on and off i miss it terribly, that constant yearning still exist. There is a defiance in taking those shots in an unlit environment. You have that vision yet a sense of excitement building up while waiting for that slower shutter speed to take it's course. The longer it sustain, you know you will have a bigger grandeur effect.

Photo #1 Coit Tower at night. Photo #2 GG Bridge at sundown.

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If you could live forever, what {or who} would you live for?


taken from twilight the movie

Got to BELIEVE in Magic

As a typical human being when we encounter DESPICABLE pain, we normally responded to fly away with it | detached ourselves to the society hoping to ease the suffering.

But in the first place, why do we allow ourselves to part in this latitude anyway? Why can't we outline our so called LIFE from the beginning so as NOT to encounter such anguish and grief in the end? Why do we subject ourselves to this SELF-INFLICTED pain? Why do we take into account the RISK that we knew all along as part of the whole?

Simply because we wanted to be LOVED, we wanted to feel that we BELONG, and clearly we just wanted to be HAPPY --- sincerely just like that.

But is it WORTH it? I guess no one really knows until one goes through with it... Personally, i have to say YES --- truly POSITIVE that these so called misery and heartaches will mold us to be a BETTER person, it makes us STRONGER, and tender us to be well rounded | WISER living soul individuals.

Despite the pulsating ache i honestly understand we should not stop BELIEVING that there is still HOPE | that MAGIC will one day come around and will make us SMILE again, of course no guarantee how long these happiness will last but for sure if you just appreciate that there is that fair chance that it will stay there for good... even FOREVER.

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Maya Angelou

It's like your own shadow, most of the time you really do not notice not until later when the sun comes down behind you, that shadow is a constant reminder that it really has not left you --- that feelings that you've shown will never be forgotten.

I am your shadow, and I will be your constant reminder that once in your life you've known someone who made you feel complete and whole as a person.
Thank you for the confusion and unintended adversity... without these i would not have found the TRUTH, WISDOM that goes with it, and most importantly MYSELF.

Self Reflection

Someday everything will all make perfect sense.
So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.

Unknown

Once in our lifetime we experience some sense of adventure and fresh undertakings. Risks we tend to experiment, why? Possibly or maybe due to boredom with our daily life routine... i guess no one really knows. Then we rediscover ourselves, we explore something new, we found strange yet fun different things that we never thought will come across and take pleasure in the end, and all this distinct discoveries makes our heart leap with excitement. We became carefree and full spirited --- we were reborn!

STOP --- all of a sudden we realize, is this the path we need to embark? We were lost there for a second or so we think... we learn to hate ourselves for allowing all the occurrences to be consume with the new found thrill and passion, yet unsure if maybe this is the real you. Self esteem is nowhere to be found. We loathe ourselves for allowing this happiness grow into us. Now we are torn between getting our old life back or fight for the new found beginning.

Our logical brain cells turns on and decide things for us... our heart felt numb, our life looks very foggy, we simply just want to run away and wish we'll be gone. But here we are, we can still hear the beating of our hearts. Maybe slow, thready, and achy but definitely working well.

Now the big question, what to do? Where do we go from here? --- Maybe some 'time' ... time to heal, time to reflect, and time to love oneself again. If this is so, we surely need that Big TIME to take over. Oh yes, we are looking forward to enjoy life again, be ourselves again, and be able to share our own being without hesitation, full of hope, and love.

Message to self --- "I will be fine in time."

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Photo above is the pier we love to fish ... Shelter Island Pier.

Use Canon S95 on the photo above, my new compact digicam --- isn't she awesome!

New Found Love

The desire that drives you to better yourselves and passion that goes with it makes you want for more.

Been planning birthday parties for my girls for over 7 years and i felt like i am out of idea and concept... But i think it is the will and enthusiasm that keeps you going and discover more to make your little girl's birthday wishes fun, entertaining, and full of surprises. The desire to witness those happy smiles in their faces when opportunities like birthdays, it is way too precious to let it just pass by.

Discovered a new found love... will post soon finish products, *wink*.

Life's Fireworks

The vision that you glorify in your mind, the ideal that you enthrone in your heart,

this you will build your life by, and this you will become. 

James Allen

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Life truly is interesting, full of amusement, and it keeps revolving everyday. We attempt to back off a little if it's too demanding, then as soon as we discern a little we slowly move along, and get back into life's unending journey.

This past week and the coming week has been hectic and consuming with activities --- from house guest visits, to little M's 4th birthday coming up, and to the daily house/work routines. Life keeps me on my toes, keeps me level headed, and keeps me wacky at times, *wink*.

Hope everyone has a great weekend so far!

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Photo displayed are from couple of weeks fireworks finale --- Miramar Airshow 2012. 

Lost

Sometimes you think you want to disappear, but all you really want is to be found.

Unknown

In life we go through difficult times, makes you want to give up and retreat. You feel like there is so much expectations that you have to live about, you feel like you are drowning and unsure if you want to be saved or you simply just want to be left alone.

Forthwith, you wish just for a day to be carefree, no strings attach, no motive and reliance... you just want to be YOU --- i just want to be ME.

Trying to get over this tough time... Hopefully soon the tide will turn that i can be at peace and find joy and happiness once again.

My Apology

"I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances."

Martha Washington

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Life teaches you lessons to learn, circumstances are there to keep you on your toes --- It allows you to grow and be a better person.

Yes, we can allow ourselves to wallow in misery but what actually matters most is the attitude and character to fight back and get up, to pick ourselves up, and to face life's challenges with determination and valor.

{I have to apologise to the people i've cause trouble with ...
i didn't meant to be so irrational --- hopefully you can find room for forgiveness in your heart ... you know who you are}